I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Boobs are out for the taking
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
