I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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