fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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