I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
