the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
