I swear she didn't look like that last week.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
