My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
