Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
