At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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