Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the day after is always just damage control
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
