her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
