You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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