also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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