no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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