Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Alive.
So much puke
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
