Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
