I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
