Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
