you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
