i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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