Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize