I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
