I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
