Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
