I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
