It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
