Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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