Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
