Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
