a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I will be naked everywhere
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize