Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
