My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
