why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
