i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dignity is for republicans.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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