In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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