dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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