He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
