yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize