And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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