I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
