I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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