I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
