Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he puts the penis in happiness.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
