The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
