I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
