Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize