Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
