My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
