She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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