there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
