Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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