THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
