JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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