I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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