Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
