i jhust puked up my retainher.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
