Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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