sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
