Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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