just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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