I'm going to jail i love you
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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