you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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