I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So apparently I’m into choking now
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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