when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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