It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
