There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
