Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I had to cum in my sink.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
