we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
