i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
