I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
