dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
