SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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